What does the spare sitter do? Go out of town without telling Amanda. So who got stuck spending almost all her time watching the two brattiest kids out there? Me. So here was my schedule:
Friday, 6am-3pm. 9pm-3am. [Barely had six hours between shifts.]
Saturday, 10am-7pm. 9pm-4am. [I had two hour to go home and eat and relax.]
Sunday, off. I literally slept all day.
Monday, 1am-9am [I leave for work in an hour]
Tuesday, 1am-9am
Wednesday: My 21 first god damn birthday and I can't even make plans cause Amanda hasn't told me if she needs a sitter or not and the spare is gone until the 24th. Not that it matters, no one wanted to do anything anyways.
So, Friday I had my mom's phone and was on Meetme (it's like facebook) and regretting checking on things cause I had several guys tell me how ugly I am and not worth their time and all this other bullshit. Saturday, had an awesome repeat of the same bullshit.
Sunday morning, I come home and I've been kicked out of the squad on Ernya. No message, no one would talk to me, nothing. I got to sit and worry about what I'd done, because no one had talked to me or told me that I was irritating people. And I'm not even mad at anyone for it... I'm mad at myself for being an idiot. It hurt because it made a status I posted on fb so much more real...
-Insert name here-
It's
sad when you realize the only guys ever interested in you are online
and in other states or towns. Maybe it's because they don't have to see
me... maybe if I was prettier someone would want me... Maybe I'm not as
good a person as I thought... maybe that's why no one wants me.. Ugh I
can't stop crying I'm sick of this bullshit!
What happened made me realize that the same thing goes for my friends... they're almost all online.. how pathetic am I that the only people that would celebrate my birthday with me have never met me in person... I can't even get my mom to go with me to the bar.. how bad of a person do you have to be for that kind of thing to happen... I've always prided myself on being a good friend and a good listener and there for people... but maybe I was only seeing what I wanted to see.. I mean... I irritated everyone so bad they kicked me out of the squad.. and won't even talk to me...
I really fucked up this time.. I gtg though, I need to send the wardrobe a trade and shower before I leave. I'm leaving Ernya. I've been saying for months that the only reason I stayed on there was the three girls and the family I thought I had found, but I was wrong, and I fucked it all up, so there's no reason to stay. If there's no reason to stay there's no reason to keep those items on there not being used, someone else should at least get enjoyment out of them.
