I haven't heard from Chris since Tuesday. I text him a few times a day and nothing. He isn't on messenger with him phone at all either, which is usually on 24/7. And when I called his phone it rang 3 times and went to voice mail. Maybe he made my decision for me... Fuck, for all I know he's been reading my blog and saw the mention of Jeff and up and left. I don't fucking know. But if this is how he chooses to leave, than I'm done. Period. If he doesn't even have enough of a set to talk to me about it then what the fuck have I been doing trying so hard to make this damn relationship work!? I'm done... right now I don't want to be in a relationship at all. I don't want to deal with it. I want a guy who actually gives a shit and shows it. But the more I look the more I find that they don't exist. All life is doing to me right now is proving that everyone lies and everyone leaves at some point.
And to top it all off I just lost my volunteer job on Ernya cause I've been so sick and didn't get things done in time. I'm in shock I'm not crying. Sadly, I'm past that point. Idk how many people know the point I speak of, but the easiest way to put it is that I'm so depressed I can't cry. Not that it would help me anyways.
=( I'm sorry all this happened. Despite how often i shared my opinion of chris...i really truly disliked him a lot more than i let on. It's kind of sad to see another person start to see guys the way i do.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sorry you lost the volunteer job on ernya. =( Unfortunately from her point of view, it's understandable because she doesn't know you personally like a real employer would, so she can't make exceptions. (Sorry if I'm not helping)
I hope everything gets better soon *hug*
And unfortunately, I know that feeling all too well.
No, I completely understand Emy's point of view and I'm not upset with her. I'm just... to the point of wanting to rip my hair out because of life. Everything is messed up and going wrong and I just don't know how to fix it anymore. And... I admit that things will probably get better with Chris out of my life, but that wasn't exactly what I wanted. I wanted to work through things and fix them, not have him up and leave. I know I've talked about walking away before, but each time I gave it more time to see if we could fix things. I just feel like I put all that effort in for nothing, and that alone is depressing. And I'm really sorry you know that feeling Starkeyy, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, especially not you. -hugs tight-
ReplyDelete- huggles - Is there anything that I can do?
ReplyDeleteSadly, I think this is one I have to deal with on my own. Though, if you know any hitmen for hire that might be helpful. :)
ReplyDelete